Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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