So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
