he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
