i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
