who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just took my morning after pill in the library
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
