Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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