those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
