I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
