Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we're so committed to being not committed
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