I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
