last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
