i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
