i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
