I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please, let me fuck your mom
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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