I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize