I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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