Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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