I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
