Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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