Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I understand Curling. That high.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
