all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
