It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
