i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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