I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
