There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
