you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
