do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
