what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize