Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
