I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize