mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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