It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
