so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my liver is dry heaving
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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