No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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