you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
