When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
