I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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