Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
