make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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