He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
