I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
