Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
