Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
smell my finger.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize