and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
