He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
