im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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