Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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