you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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