I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize