It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
