i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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