I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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