I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
