you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
