Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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