I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
