Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
