So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize