He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
