i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
