i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
