I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
