I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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