READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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