What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize