Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
