Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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