we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there's paper in my vomit.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
