He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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