And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize